Some of us expend a lot of time and energy on issues over which we have little or no control. Many years ago, a wise mentor suggested that I identify the issues I worried about that were beyond my control, and separate them from those matters that I could control.
Being a list-maker by nature, I began with the things I could not control. Things like world events, terrorism, traffic in Fort Wayne, the economy, the stock market, gas prices, real estate values, deaths of family members and friends, accidents, snow storms, etc. It did not mean that I no longer cared about these things. I simply acknowledged they were beyond my ability to control, and vowed not to waste my time and energy worrying about them. I would deal with the issue if and when it occurred.
This simple decision freed me up to focus my efforts on other matters. There are many things that affect the quality of my life, and over which I do have control. Things like the thoughts that I allow to dwell in my mind, how I treat other people, the food I eat, the type of vehicle I drive, how hard I work, where I live, my personal expenses, how far and how often I exercise, what I choose to read, how I react to the words or behavior of others, who I spend my time with, where and if I attend church, my daily attitude, how I express myself, what I write about, and how I view the world.
Then there are issues that fall in the gray area in between. Things I can’t completely control, but over which I may have some degree of influence. My vote might impact my political representation, I can choose to talk to someone about their “inappropriate” behavior, I can withdraw from “ethically challenged” organizations, and I can boycott unscrupulous businesses and professionals. My health and time of my death are somewhat beyond my control, but my daily choices on diet and exercise may have an impact on both.
We all struggle with control issues at some level. Many of us want the world and other people to be different than they are. We get upset when someone fails to measure up to our expectations. In truth, they are just being themselves, and it is up to us to decide who we want to be. In the end, we only control ourselves.
